A Personal series of dispatches from Rural Ontario Canada

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

the edge of winter..and art

Readying myself for another work day..Unseasonably warm and hysterically windy outside my window-thank goodness we have been able to keep the heat off for the last few days too.I know we are on the crest of approaching winter-our snow tires are on..most garden gear is away in the shed..but the mums are still in flower and the grass stays steadily ,boldly green despite absense of leaves in the trees now..
Coping with Twerp's death is becoming a bit easier..the grief and feeling of loss is dulled and although still there.. .I am a bit more at peace with her passing and absense.
The other cats have been indoors more with the rain..(and before)-the cold so there are more snuggles and interaction with us ..
i decided to finally put some of my art on the painted walls and was amazed at how the house came to life..it feels like it's warmth and quirky individuality has returned..


early October snowfall..

 later the same day!




Tuesday, October 19, 2010

healing time..

Little by little ..hour by hour I am feelng a bit more healed. Losing the Twerp has definitely put a wedge into daily living that feels like a darkness below the surface. Daily life goes on however,remarkably -and provides a needed distraction. I am looking for signs that she is peaceful somewhere. Hopefully with the rest of my loved ones-and those she may well remember-Millie and Owen ..
The sunset last night was so powerful and inspiring that it flushed me with a fresh gust of wind and helped me to pause and consider the beauty i usually notice and am grateful for.
The young chicks and mama hen were chortling and singing in their night time nesting box and this also brought a  little warmth and comfort.
The dogs playing and rolling upside down in the grass.. Hank the pot belly wobbling along..munching on apples..kitties leaping and running through the now tall grass and up the trees..goats whinnying in harmony (well sort of) and nuzzling up to me at the end of their play.








The other night masala (our top cat) crept under the covers of our bed and sidled ,purring up beside me..signs.maybe...comfort..






oh yes.
..life goes on.. I am reassured in small steps

Saturday, October 16, 2010

..comes a cloud

Yesterday started fresh and promising..a crisp autumn morning..After I wrote here I walked the dogs prior to leaving for work and was startled by the sight of a kitty lying prone on the road ahead. I knew instinctively it was ours..and the knowledge crept into my psyche like a form of disbelief. our country road is so quiet typically -but occasionally we get speeders..I like to think our cats are road savvy but.. I am still in grieving re our precious Twerp..the smallest ..the most feisty and personable of cats-nestled in my arms early morning hours before her untimely demise. I had fed all cats in the darkness of the morning..and she had slipped out through the cat window flap into the dawn as usual..I have tended to fret a bit more about her of late..as due to her diminuitive size I felt a vulnerablity. the foreshadowing of her death is haunting to me. I buried her after work ;last night beside Owen ..mounting rocks to keep her body safe from predators and ending with Autumn's last floral offerings.. i miss her from in the depths of my soul..How can it be that such a little being has evoked such intense feelings in me?
i have not shared this with people in my daily life yet..too raw-and it is painful to seek solace and find people shrugging off with" it's only an animal" they just don't get it. if you reading this..i know you do..
Godspeed  little Twerp ..you were loved  and adored enormously.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Ahhh friday..

A celebratory post for the weekend. I am not trying to wish my time away..just appreciate the peace,solitude and choice of my days off. A nasty cold eclipsed Thanksgiving weekend..but now I can bask in the wellness of just a few sniffles and a resurgence of energy..To take in the last of the fall display..





Monday, October 11, 2010

thankful

..for my daughter,my partner,all of our critters, my health ,family and friends..for my life experiences and art which has given me a place to express and decompress..my bountiful surroundings..living here in the country which feels more right than anywhere else..ever