Away..Away..

My daughter is back at school..her room has been cleared up..really cleaned up-and it is a mournful sight indeed to see her bed missing and all the tumble of things that is hers.Cleaning her room offered some therapeutic relief..finding memory items,crumpled photos..and millions of elastics..bobby pins and loose coin..but mostly ..a void. This move represented a true move from home.Last time it was to university residence-a mere baby step to independence.Now with a certain exhuberence she is making her home a six bedroomed house with 5 other girls..and \i am trying ever so hard to celebrate this passage- not be in touch daily..to not offer all those little tidbits of tips and advice I have been doling out for the past nineteen years. My tether to her..my line of support has unravelled and I have to start looking at it as freedom..not quite ready yet. I can still smell her intense cologned scent in her room..in my car..

Spring into ..

Change is inevitable..Right now I am considering a world where I parent at a distance. There are certainly so many sides to this equation..My daughter is contemplating university..big step ..positive for her and her essential growth..Exciting,thrilling ,terrifying and yes it stretches that elastic that joins us even a little bit more..I woke early today..my head spinning with all the possibilities of our separation..She is my only one so this is it..We move on to the next stage of life..maybe be a little less irritated and exasperated with each other..maybe a litle in awe of the frightening -ly close connection we have..Maybe anticipating reunion with a newfound positivity. I have loved (and at times been consumed by) watching her grow.With all the drama and milestones and pride and..fear . This connection has been like no other. She is ready..I am warming to readiness-as this change will redefine me and perhaps permit me to focus more on inward travels and growth (I think I do a pretty good job at that already :-) I think to some degree I will live vicariously through her own life adventures..but perhaps not so closeup at such intensity that I falter or lose perspective